You Don't Win a battle by Having the Last words Part II: The Lesson.

What!!! Are you kidding me? Did I just hear what I heard? I incredulously queried.

The words just came back stronger than before. "You don't win a battle by having the last words."

"God, this is totally unfair! I mean, I wasn't the one in the wrong here; that other party is. At least let me tell my own side of the story. If I don’t, I will look like a fool. Besides, shouldn’t you be telling that guy what you just told me now? He is the one who needs to hear you this very moment, not me?" So many of these thoughts and questions just kept swishing through my head; believe me, I really tried to wiggle my way out of that one.

Hmmm... I whined and whined and whined, trying to rationalize my stand. But you know the funny thing… that lesson just got stuck in my mind. The word wasn’t FORCEFUL or INSISTENT while I kept trying to lay my cards on the table. Twice was just enough for it to get hold of me. So, all the while I whined, there was silence.

Oh! Don’t we all do that? Whenever we are faced with a conflict or confrontation, we always, always try to rationalize our way out. Is it wrong to try to prove yourself right? No ooo. Is it wrong to try to make others understand you weren’t wrong? No, No, No. But, here is the bad news. At the end of all that word battle, you may either come out looking more foolish or end up losing that calm, collected, sane part of your personality. Really, It ain't bad making an attempt to prove ourselves; it is a good thing. However, we need to also understand that NOT EVERYTHING GOOD IS RIGHT. Okay now you’d say I’m getting you confused, am I? I promise I’ll try not to divert into philosophy, so I’ll make it quick because this is my very own lesson I’m sharing here.

Not everything good is right. Is it good to eat when you are hungry? Yes. What if it’s Eba (A Nigerian Delicacy) and one delicious native soup you really want to eat? Now, just picture yourself strolling on the road eating that; or better still, in an ongoing board meeting. Take a moment and think of what other’s watching would think or say? That you’ve gone nuts? Come on guy, you are hungry nah, why not go ahead and eat? Why not damn the CEO who is sitting at the board head, damn the President who is talking…damn everyone and satisfy your hunger?  Too Simple, right? Okay. Look at this one. I am having an interview with my would-be Boss. My phone rings and it was one of my Pals. Like lightening, I pick the call, talk at length, drop the call and goes "Oya, Oga Continue. What!!!  Well, there are things I won’t answer for you; and definitely not this one. But my good guess is this; you won’t dare (At least not if you are sane). Why? Because something in you tells you it won’t be right.

Okay. Back to that lesson. Conflict resolution is often the most difficult part in a Conflict. And if it happens that you have one where both parties are solidly irrational; well good luck to you because you are sooo set for a lock down.

That was what God wanted to teach me. I am not crazy; oh well, not in a bad way anyway (If you want me to explain that, you’ll have to inbox me please *Smiles*). My mind is Sound. That is why I was able to pause and listen to God. If I was solidly irrational, maybe we would have caused another Tsunami which will leave both of us with this huge chasm and bad water.

But I left off trying to justify my side of the story and let the other party win the sword for the WORD CHAMPIONSHIP. Did I feel greet then. No. But you know what happened? I left a lesson in the mind of that person. That lesson God taught me was passed on without words to the other party. God taught me that day that, in a confrontation, two irrational people/party are incapable of having an effective communication let alone reach an understanding. So what did I do? I walked away. That lesson wasn’t easy then but I sure am glad I learnt it. And the funny thing is, I got my respect from this party because he didn’t understand why I left the issue. Do you know how it feels to have to get a sound apology from someone who has wronged you; and also a testimony that you taught he/she a positive lesson without your having to say a single word or your yapping all over. Mmmm...Heavenly. I can’t explain that feeling. You just need to feel it to know.

Now, Do I still have conflicts? Yes, Of course. But now, I’m much better equipped at handling it than I would if I didn’t allow God to teach me that day. If you still got your saneness about you; and more so, if you are ABOVE AVERAGE/NORMAL like me or working towards being ABOVE AVERAGE, then you will also shut your wits and walk away (Please read Part 1 of earlier Post to understand this). That way you won’t be forced to rationalize… That way, you still have your cool, sanity, and respect about you. Secondly, you may not know it but you’d have silently taught the other party a lesson. What is the lesson? … “I am beyond this level. Your having the last word knowing you are wrong didn’t take away my personality and humanity. I am still me. I am not less me. You can choose to be too. It’s your call.” You know what you just did? You totally disarm the opponent without batting an eyelid. You took the wind off his sail without lifting a finger.

“Not in this times. Certainly not in this our present world.” I can hear your thoughts now. I’m not joking. I just heard it now again.

See life is a choice. You can choose to get better and better everyday till you begin to live above average and mediocrity or you can chose to just stay normal like everyone and live by the world’s rule. But I, personally, won’t shred my beautiful life and humanity just because I want to win a confrontation. I rather lose the confrontation to gain more and scale greater than win that and risk losing the better and superior person I could be.

I lay the card at your table. Choose wisdom and your life will be long. My desire is that you will understand this beautiful lesson too. It sure works and will save you loads of unnecessary headache.

Keep Faith!

YOU DON'T WIN A BATTLE BY HAVING THE LAST WORDS

Today, I decided to share one of the Beautiful Lessons God taught me during My Moments of Heart to Heart with Him.

I am quite aware that this is a social network platform and that I am setting myself up for mindless
criticism and critical exposure of my person to all. However, there are certain things in life that are not negotiable no matter the prevalent norm and diverse opinion of People. One of such things is 'Truth.' The truth of what God thought me is what I'm sharing and I hope that out of it, you'll find the truth that'll benefit your own life too.

CONFLICT...

We all know that conflict is an inevitable part of life. It is not as though one would go out of his way to look for one. In fact, if you really ask sound minded individuals, you'll realize that every one of them would rather avoid conflict than create or face it head on.  But Like it or not, conflict just have a way of seeking you out whether you look out for it or not. It’s as though the more you try to avoid it, the stronger it comes on you. And that’s just it. No matter how likeable a person is, there will always be someone out there to either grudge you for being likeable or criticize you that you aren't that much likeable. So, get used to that fact. Life has got several packages and one of them is conflict.

Oh Well...Lets now not dwell much on 'CONFLICT' itself. The problem isn’t much on Conflict than on CONFLICT RESOLUTION which really is what I want to talk about. Let me start by asking a soul searching question; and I wish to ask it this way; "You hate confrontation and conflict but they just come unbidden. Now, you have one, what would you do then?"  Often times when I’m faced with a confrontation where another party is making bold lies and I get so frustrated trying to separate the actual events from the lies and convince the witnesses otherwise, I see myself asking God what do I do? People often say that Silence is acceptance or acquiescence. If I don’t refute the claims of the other party, wouldn’t that make me the culprit/originator of the confrontation? If you happen to be stuck in that kind of situation as me, what would be the best thing to do? Go Yapping like a dog, or head butting like a bull, or probably run your mouth like a parakeet?  Some would say fight it to the end. Another may suggest you give it tit for tat (i.e make up your own ear-splitting lies) or that dangerous extremist inner voice tells you to scheme a revenge plot? What would you really do?

I mean no one like to be made to look like a fool, at least not me. The average human being/man would definitely not accept or allow that. In fact you would come out of it looking like the sorriest fool ever. But the clause here is…The average man. The average man plays by the world’s rules. He is the natural man and cannot settle for anything more than the natural order of things. That’s why we have the judiciary and the Human Rights and Lots of NGO’S defending one course or the other. But that’s a higher pedestal I wouldn’t want to delve into now because my main focus is just to share my personal lesson in my walk with God.

I AM NOT AN AVERAGE HUMAN. And honestly I don’t ever want to be. It’s a choice and I would definitely choose that any day, any time. I mean, who wants average and normal when I can be more? I have a relationship with God. Anyone who really shares a relationship with him can’t ever be normal. Now I happen to be like raw gold in his hand. I am not yet like it. But I am his work in process. Believe me; each phase of refining isn’t that comfortable but it is very much worth it because each time the beauty gets better and better.

Now that eventful day, I stood dumbfounded as the other party talked and talked. I tried severally to get in some words but failed miserably at it. The normal me withdrew immediately like a turtle into my shell as I wondered if the event as the other party describes it happen in a make-believe movie I unconsciously must have starred in. Was it me or was it really my clone? With my thoughts came the feeling of hurt, betrayal and red hot anger. ‘God why?,’ I cried. I can’t even get in a few words to tell my own side of the story. And Gosh! The lies? That ain’t the way it happened? This is totally unfair! A lot of thoughts swished through my head. Trust me, you don’t want to hear some of them because I really felt like slapping the words out the other party’s mouth. But my saving grace came when I took a deep breath and asked silently, “God, what do I do? This is not fair and you know it.”

Gently, like a soft wind, the words came “YOU DON’T WIN A BATTLE BY HAVING THE LAST WORDS.”
Let me stop here. Take a moment and think on that. I know you’ve got questions and even comments. I welcomed them all. Keep a date and expect the concluding part where I struggled to accept that Truth. But just know I finally did and you won’t believe what happened after.


TO BE CONTINUED…